I don't know why, but I have dated a few guys that always try to come back, even after breaking my heart. I already have issues with trust, and there have been times I will let them back in just to be hurt again. I always want to ask them, what the fuck? But, I don't. And, they never really volunteer anything either.
A few weeks ago RT contacted me again. His was a tangled, strange affair. It was fun though, and he is sweet (and 8 years younger than me). We started seeing eachother casually (sex) when he was married, his wife was having an affair with one of his best friends (she lives with him now). He was in the Navy so he went away for several months to iceland, we kept in touch by email, but we had moved past the relationship and were friends. Still, I was surprised when he showed up at my door with his 20 year old new wife.
I'm a fairly free-love kinda girl, so we all went out to lunch and walk around Portsmouth. He was flirting with my really bad, and I know I was flirting with him too. Later he told me his wife was open to a 3-way. I politely declined. Then he was transferred again to Florida. A year or so later he contacts me and tells me he is divorced, can't stop thinking about me, would like to try a relationship, etc. Even though he was still in Florida I figured, why not...worth a try.
Well, it ended badly. I was having a hard time here, and long distance just doesn't work. He didn't call when he said he would, and where we would talk for hours when we were just friends, it was different in a 'relationship'. We argued and broke up over the phone. We talked again months later and cleared the air. I told him that I just wanted the best for him and didn't want hard feelings, lets never talk about it again and stay friends.
A few weeks ago he called me and wanted to talk about a relationship again. He wanted to rehash what went wrong. I didn't want to go there, and told him that I care about him, and we aren't meant to be. He hasn't talked to me since. It's ok.
I just wonder WTF happened in the first place to make it go so wrong, and WTF keeps him coming back to me? And, he isn't the only one....there's Roland.
Roland is for me, the one that got away. He is so sexy, a brooding musician. I don't fall easily, and I fell for him hard. We were really close for a while, then it was like he got scared and there was a wall between us. We didn't fight, we just stopped seeing eachother. My head was reeling, my heart was broken. And, I wanted to know....WTF!
A year after we broke up he called me. We started seeing eachother again. He was going through some rough times, and I was supportive of him. He seemed to resent it. I couldn't make him happy. Again, we just one day stopped seeing eachother. No fanfare, no explanations. I was not so much heartbroken this time, I kinda expected it. I hadn't seen him for well over a year...then he shows up at my door tonight!
I answer the door, in my pajama's, no make-up, hair a mess. I was like .....WTF! he stayed for a little while and we talked about little things. I have such a wall built up now, it's crazy. He tried to give me a hug and I gave him the one armed hug. And, he just comes in like I had seen him last week. He actually said, I figured I would stop by and say hi. Ummmmm......ok.
He talked about his most recent failed relationship. I talked about my most recent surgery and my trip to Jamaica with my most recent x. (Jamaica is one of Rolands favorite places). I don't know if he was hoping to renew our relationship...but I'm sure after seeing me all grungy tonight he isn't anymore! I don't think I would go there again either. I just would like to be brave enough sometime to ask wtf happened to make it end, and why the fuck try to come back again?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Saturday, December 22, 2007
My son-a man
I was 15 when I got pregnant. Looking back that seems so painfully young. At the time I did not hesitate, I was going to keep my baby. I had such an easy pregnancy and labor, I didn't believe the OB when he said I may never be able to have another child. But, what he said was true. Justin is my one and only.
I was determined to do things properly for my child. I was also more determined than ever to have a career and become a nurse. I now had a child to provide for, it wasn't just me. So, no more going to the mall and parties with my friends. I lived with my mom and she tells me she remembers coming downstairs around midnight and I was at the table studying while I burped enough playtex nursers for the next day half dead, still a child myself. I don't think she thought I could do it. But, she doesn't say that now. I saw it in her eyes though, and that just added to my determination.
Justin was my sole responsibility while I went to school and worked. I promised Justin that things would be better once I got my degree, there would be more time and money for fun things. I told myself that it was good for him to see me get my degree than not, and it was to provide a better future. I believe that is true. My son is a wonderful man now.
Justin was always a joy. He was a happy baby. Adventurous, fun loving. And as he got older a hilarious sense of humor. So loyal to his friends. I thought he was going to be a vet because he loved animals. I have had cats, dogs (cause every boy needs a dog), iguana's, fish, mudskippers, birds...you name it. He always wanted to be a race car driver.
When he was a teenager I got divorced from his step-dad. Justin had a lot of anger for me, and his teenage years were hard. There were times I didn't think we would get through it. I always said I gave him a good foundation, and that he would turn things around in time. Luckily he found a reason to, Jen.
Jen is an amazing girl. She is creative, responsible, loyal, beautiful. She saw something in Justin when he was at his lowest. She loved him unconditionally, and helps to bring out the best in him. Without her I don't think he would be the man he is today.
Yesterday Justin and I went shopping to buy an engagement ring for Jen. It is gorgeous, princess cut, when Justin saw it he said, 'I'm liking that!' It made me laugh. He is planning to propose at midnight on New Years Eve at a family party. Jen's parents know they want to marry someday, but Justin is going to ask her dad for his blessing before he proposes.
I didn't realize how significant this would feel to me. It is such a major milestone, and I am so happy for him. I think that they have what it takes to make a wonderful life together. Even though he is 24, and has been an adult for a while. I feel like he is now a man. I couldn't be happier.
I was determined to do things properly for my child. I was also more determined than ever to have a career and become a nurse. I now had a child to provide for, it wasn't just me. So, no more going to the mall and parties with my friends. I lived with my mom and she tells me she remembers coming downstairs around midnight and I was at the table studying while I burped enough playtex nursers for the next day half dead, still a child myself. I don't think she thought I could do it. But, she doesn't say that now. I saw it in her eyes though, and that just added to my determination.
Justin was my sole responsibility while I went to school and worked. I promised Justin that things would be better once I got my degree, there would be more time and money for fun things. I told myself that it was good for him to see me get my degree than not, and it was to provide a better future. I believe that is true. My son is a wonderful man now.
Justin was always a joy. He was a happy baby. Adventurous, fun loving. And as he got older a hilarious sense of humor. So loyal to his friends. I thought he was going to be a vet because he loved animals. I have had cats, dogs (cause every boy needs a dog), iguana's, fish, mudskippers, birds...you name it. He always wanted to be a race car driver.
When he was a teenager I got divorced from his step-dad. Justin had a lot of anger for me, and his teenage years were hard. There were times I didn't think we would get through it. I always said I gave him a good foundation, and that he would turn things around in time. Luckily he found a reason to, Jen.
Jen is an amazing girl. She is creative, responsible, loyal, beautiful. She saw something in Justin when he was at his lowest. She loved him unconditionally, and helps to bring out the best in him. Without her I don't think he would be the man he is today.
Yesterday Justin and I went shopping to buy an engagement ring for Jen. It is gorgeous, princess cut, when Justin saw it he said, 'I'm liking that!' It made me laugh. He is planning to propose at midnight on New Years Eve at a family party. Jen's parents know they want to marry someday, but Justin is going to ask her dad for his blessing before he proposes.
I didn't realize how significant this would feel to me. It is such a major milestone, and I am so happy for him. I think that they have what it takes to make a wonderful life together. Even though he is 24, and has been an adult for a while. I feel like he is now a man. I couldn't be happier.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sliced and Diced
I had five abdominal surgeries in six months in 2006. It was torture to me. The pain, the not being in control of what happens to me, being vulnerable, being seen naked-especially by people I work with, the fear, not being able to work, everything! New Years 2007 I had the resolution to not be cut open in 2007. I made it, just barely. I am scheduled for surgery on January 3, 2008 (the day after my birthday). I know I need it, I am reminded nearly every hour of every day.
I found a different surgeon. Some people have told me that I had three too many surgeries (everything potentially could have been fixed with the second surgery-but it wasn't) I haven't held that against him, but he called me at home and asked if I were angry at him since I'm going to a different surgeon. I told him I thought he should be happy not having to cut me open again. In 2006 when he told me he had to do a fifth surgery he asked me if we were 'still friends', I told him friends don't cut me open for money. But, I'm not mad at him-shit happens. I know he would much rather it had worked out for me with less surgery.
I will be in the hospital for a week and out of work for a month. I'm much better prepared for it this time. The hospital is almost two hours away from my home. I pray that this is my last surgery. I think it's pretty ironic that I start 2008 with something I resolved not to do in 2007. Maybe I will resolve to only have ONE surgery in 2008.
I found a different surgeon. Some people have told me that I had three too many surgeries (everything potentially could have been fixed with the second surgery-but it wasn't) I haven't held that against him, but he called me at home and asked if I were angry at him since I'm going to a different surgeon. I told him I thought he should be happy not having to cut me open again. In 2006 when he told me he had to do a fifth surgery he asked me if we were 'still friends', I told him friends don't cut me open for money. But, I'm not mad at him-shit happens. I know he would much rather it had worked out for me with less surgery.
I will be in the hospital for a week and out of work for a month. I'm much better prepared for it this time. The hospital is almost two hours away from my home. I pray that this is my last surgery. I think it's pretty ironic that I start 2008 with something I resolved not to do in 2007. Maybe I will resolve to only have ONE surgery in 2008.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Of Cats and Men
I love cats, and I love men. They are both interesting creatures and deserve to be reflected upon. I was reflecting on my cat Mr. Domino tonight and it occurred to me how much cats and men have in common. Strange but true, since most men I know don't really like cats.
Lets start with the hunt. Show a cat something they want and they will make a big deal of hunting it down before they pounce on it. Much like a man. Cats and men are easily distracted by other prey and cannot resist the hunt. They will hunt as much as they possibly can, to exhaustion. (I think the pouncing contributes to the exhaustion, but that may require further research)
My two favorite creatures also like attention, feed them, pet them. They will purr and beg for more. They will interrupt anything else you may be doing for attention. (especially if it is wrapping gifts, for cats...not so much for men) Luckily they are both usually demonstrative in their appreciation.
Like cats men will also decide they have had enough attention and they will do as they please for a while. They will usually return, don't ask where they have been (you don't want to know). If they don't return assume they have found a nice new home and didn't become road kill.
Cats and men like to feel like they are providing something for you. Cats usually deliver beheaded wildlife to the front door (or through the cat door if you are so lucky). Men usually drive up to the house with the wildlife tossed in the back of their pick-up truck (if you are so lucky). Others will work hard at their job as their way of providing. Legend has it that there are some men who will do both. Few cats have jobs.
Men and cats can fall asleep quickly, and anywhere they happen to be.
Men and cats are horny creatures. Bob Barker wouldn't have had to remind us to spay and neuter our cats if not. If a cat isn't fixed there is no way you can stop it from tomcatting around. Doing the same for men has shown no effect on it's tomcatting ways, in some cases it may increase horniness.
Men and cats can probably hurt us pretty easily, but they don't. Some are prone to fighting each other for no good reason.
Neither cats or men will do something if they really don't want to. If you need a demonstration try to walk a cat on a leash. You don't need a leash to prove this in a man. Just find something he doesn't want to do. Ask him to do it. The Opera, getting a pedicure, going to a baby shower....there are a multitude of things. You have to trick the man to do it, much like a cat. Offer him a treat, do not try to force them at any cost.
Lets start with the hunt. Show a cat something they want and they will make a big deal of hunting it down before they pounce on it. Much like a man. Cats and men are easily distracted by other prey and cannot resist the hunt. They will hunt as much as they possibly can, to exhaustion. (I think the pouncing contributes to the exhaustion, but that may require further research)
My two favorite creatures also like attention, feed them, pet them. They will purr and beg for more. They will interrupt anything else you may be doing for attention. (especially if it is wrapping gifts, for cats...not so much for men) Luckily they are both usually demonstrative in their appreciation.
Like cats men will also decide they have had enough attention and they will do as they please for a while. They will usually return, don't ask where they have been (you don't want to know). If they don't return assume they have found a nice new home and didn't become road kill.
Cats and men like to feel like they are providing something for you. Cats usually deliver beheaded wildlife to the front door (or through the cat door if you are so lucky). Men usually drive up to the house with the wildlife tossed in the back of their pick-up truck (if you are so lucky). Others will work hard at their job as their way of providing. Legend has it that there are some men who will do both. Few cats have jobs.
Men and cats can fall asleep quickly, and anywhere they happen to be.
Men and cats are horny creatures. Bob Barker wouldn't have had to remind us to spay and neuter our cats if not. If a cat isn't fixed there is no way you can stop it from tomcatting around. Doing the same for men has shown no effect on it's tomcatting ways, in some cases it may increase horniness.
Men and cats can probably hurt us pretty easily, but they don't. Some are prone to fighting each other for no good reason.
Neither cats or men will do something if they really don't want to. If you need a demonstration try to walk a cat on a leash. You don't need a leash to prove this in a man. Just find something he doesn't want to do. Ask him to do it. The Opera, getting a pedicure, going to a baby shower....there are a multitude of things. You have to trick the man to do it, much like a cat. Offer him a treat, do not try to force them at any cost.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)