wtf

I don't know why, but I have dated a few guys that always try to come back, even after breaking my heart. I already have issues with trust, and there have been times I will let them back in just to be hurt again. I always want to ask them, what the fuck? But, I don't. And, they never really volunteer anything either.

A few weeks ago RT contacted me again. His was a tangled, strange affair. It was fun though, and he is sweet (and 8 years younger than me). We started seeing eachother casually (sex) when he was married, his wife was having an affair with one of his best friends (she lives with him now). He was in the Navy so he went away for several months to iceland, we kept in touch by email, but we had moved past the relationship and were friends. Still, I was surprised when he showed up at my door with his 20 year old new wife.

I'm a fairly free-love kinda girl, so we all went out to lunch and walk around Portsmouth. He was flirting with my really bad, and I know I was flirting with him too. Later he told me his wife was open to a 3-way. I politely declined. Then he was transferred again to Florida. A year or so later he contacts me and tells me he is divorced, can't stop thinking about me, would like to try a relationship, etc. Even though he was still in Florida I figured, why not...worth a try.

Well, it ended badly. I was having a hard time here, and long distance just doesn't work. He didn't call when he said he would, and where we would talk for hours when we were just friends, it was different in a 'relationship'. We argued and broke up over the phone. We talked again months later and cleared the air. I told him that I just wanted the best for him and didn't want hard feelings, lets never talk about it again and stay friends.

A few weeks ago he called me and wanted to talk about a relationship again. He wanted to rehash what went wrong. I didn't want to go there, and told him that I care about him, and we aren't meant to be. He hasn't talked to me since. It's ok.

I just wonder WTF happened in the first place to make it go so wrong, and WTF keeps him coming back to me? And, he isn't the only one....there's Roland.

Roland is for me, the one that got away. He is so sexy, a brooding musician. I don't fall easily, and I fell for him hard. We were really close for a while, then it was like he got scared and there was a wall between us. We didn't fight, we just stopped seeing eachother. My head was reeling, my heart was broken. And, I wanted to know....WTF!

A year after we broke up he called me. We started seeing eachother again. He was going through some rough times, and I was supportive of him. He seemed to resent it. I couldn't make him happy. Again, we just one day stopped seeing eachother. No fanfare, no explanations. I was not so much heartbroken this time, I kinda expected it. I hadn't seen him for well over a year...then he shows up at my door tonight!

I answer the door, in my pajama's, no make-up, hair a mess. I was like .....WTF! he stayed for a little while and we talked about little things. I have such a wall built up now, it's crazy. He tried to give me a hug and I gave him the one armed hug. And, he just comes in like I had seen him last week. He actually said, I figured I would stop by and say hi. Ummmmm......ok.

He talked about his most recent failed relationship. I talked about my most recent surgery and my trip to Jamaica with my most recent x. (Jamaica is one of Rolands favorite places). I don't know if he was hoping to renew our relationship...but I'm sure after seeing me all grungy tonight he isn't anymore! I don't think I would go there again either. I just would like to be brave enough sometime to ask wtf happened to make it end, and why the fuck try to come back again?